my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
