I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
