he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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