i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
