Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
