Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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