she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
