I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
