Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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