Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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