ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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