sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
