Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
