dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
