he thought i was a dude.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
