I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
