I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
