It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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