We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
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I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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