No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
