dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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