Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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