I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
