Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
