I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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