i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
