I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
