having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
