she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
