Jerry, you need to find god
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
