Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
