Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
