are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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