I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
