we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
