I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
