i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
