oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
