I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
smell my finger.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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