i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
