now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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