Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
