he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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