I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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