I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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