More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
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Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"