The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
