Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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