i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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