My liver just broke up with me...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
