i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
