I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
