I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
