Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
