Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
