walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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