and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
