Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's get the cat blown out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
