you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
