The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
