I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
only you would photoshop your dick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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