I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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