On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize