??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
