Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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