dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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