I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
