Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
