when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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