good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
