sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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