Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
