You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
