At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
