dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
