I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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