in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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