Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
